中级英语写作1
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2024.02.24 ~ 2024.06.30
  • 广东外语外贸大学
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第10次开课

开始:2024-02-24

截止:2024-06-30

课程已进行至

19/19周

成绩预发布时间 2024-06-27

期末考试截止时间 2024-06-22 23:55

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广东外语外贸大学
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广东外语外贸大学
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广东外语外贸大学
副教授
广东外语外贸大学
副教授
广东外语外贸大学
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广东外语外贸大学
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2305班Unit 1-Unit 8的优秀例子分享

By 5班助教_丁禧欣 06-28 71次浏览

Unit 1: Describe a school cat

Hetao is one of the school cats in GDUFS.He is a typical Chinese Li Hua with grossy fur that would shine in the sunlight. I get familiar with him because of his frequent activities in our 14th dormitory building.Unlike most other cats, he likes being close to students most of the time. Especially when he is hungry, he would rub against the students' feet to get food. Everyone would be very glad to feed him. After all, his downy body and gentle temperament are so pleasing. I can’t help petting him each time I meet him. Being invited to play in the dorm is so common for him. I suppose that eating and napping are his favorite activities. Most of the time I meet him, he would squent as if snoozimg and stay still. The fur of his chest is white and triangle in shape, which is like a table napkin to keep himself neat. He is very clean. He often licks his fur. Even after the heavy rain, after walking through a muddy track, I have never found him splashed with mud (孙梓烁). 

评价:这一段生动形象地写出了核桃的亲人、爱吃、爱睡、爱玩和干净的特点,流露出对核桃的喜爱。此外,很多词汇也值得大家进行参考和学习,例如“grossy fur”、“downy body”等。

 

Unit 2: Describe one kind of fruits with five senses

It boasts a vibrant hue, ranging from a luscious deep red to a sunny yellow, with occasional specks of green or orange, depending on its ripeness.Its outer surface is smooth and slightly waxy to the touch, with a gentle give when pressed, indicating its juiciness and ripeness.As you bring it closer to your nose, you’re greeted by a sweet, enticing aroma that’s both refreshing and inviting.When you take a bite, your taste buds are awakened by a burst of sweetness, complemented by a hint of tartness that dances on your tongue, leaving a refreshing sensation.As you handle it, there’s a subtle rustling sound, akin to the soft whisper of leaves in a gentle breeze, hinting at the freshness and vitality encapsulated within (朱梓祎).

评价:这段对芒果特征的刻画,充分调动五种感官,行文流畅,前后句子衔接较好,形成一个完整的段落,而不是分散的句子。

 

Unit 3: Describe one kind of feeling

He stood on one side of the bridge, fingertips pinching the cigarette that was about to run out. From time to time, he raised his hand to look at the time, and an unhappy expression appeared on his face. He threw away the cigarette butt in his hand fretfully, and his eyes scanned the environment around the bridge, but he still couldn't find the figure of that person. He almost lost patience and turned around to leave (张雯萱).

评价:该段落生动形象地描写了一个在桥边抽烟等人的男子,通过香烟、时间和男子的表情看出了他等待时的焦躁和不耐烦,*终男子的离去也合乎情理。

 

Unit 4: Describe a place in campus

The school cafeteria is a vibrant hub of activity and diversity. Upon entering, the aroma of various cuisines greets you, a tantalizing blend of savory smells that whets the appetite. The spacious interior is decorated with bright colors and modern furniture, creating a welcoming atmosphere for students and staff.

 

The cafeteria offers a wide range of culinary options, catering to different tastes and dietary requirements. From traditional favorites like burgers and pizza to healthier options like salads and sushi, there's something for everyone. The chefs pride themselves on using fresh, locally sourced ingredients to create delicious and nutritious meals (陈卓越).

评价:从环境和用途两个方面出发对学校的咖啡厅进行描写,描写客观环境时运用了嗅觉和视觉,用途上着重描写了各类食物的提供,突出了咖啡厅适合所有人口味的特点。

 

Unit 5: Modification of the ending in "Split Personality"

Tiffany looked up to Jane and smiled weakly:"Hello,my little girl,we finally met."Jane was sacred.But after making sure Tiffany had no intention of attack,she made up her courage and asked:"Where is Oscar?What do you want from me?"Tiffany suddenly became alerted and said anxiously:"Look,we don't have much time.Several  years ago Oscar killed me,thinking he relieved me from my terrible illness..."Jane exclaimed unexpectedly:"What!That's crazy!""Huh,the so-called great love,the most hypocritical thing that allows one to impose his desire on one another,the most superficial excuse for doing crime and entitled with the crown of justice.For all those years I have seen plainly that what a dreadful murderer he is and how pathetic our love was."Tiffany paused for a second and continued,"I want to kill both of us,to end the sin.I tried to commit suicide but he became aware of my intention and captivated me here."Jane was shocked,lips tembling,thrilled with sympathy:"so last night you did come downstairs and found me."Tiffany nodded:"It was a pity that he was about to gain the control of the body and consciousness again,so I had no choice but slipped to upstairs, worried that he would find out what I want to do and kill you.But thanks god you're still alive."Jane felt creepy.The pepper...maybe he had already found out.All of a sudden Tiffany bursted out a painful shout:"He is coming back!Hurry!Please end my life and the whole sin,for the sake of your conscience and my tortured soul!"Jane shouted too,but with fear and hesitation:"You can't make me the murderer...If so,you will be the same as your husband!"Tiffany curled up on the cold hard ground and couldn't say a single word,seemingly extremely painful.Only those sad begging eyes indicated she was still in her senses.Groping the knife clipped on her back belt when coming upstairs in case of danger,Jane handed it to Tiffany instantly,palms sweating and trembling:"You have to end all this,on your own!"Cold hands grasped Jane's arms tightly like a snake.Taking the knife,Tiffany slowly sat up and said with her head down:"Stupid conscience.Since none of you want to become the murderer...",Jane looked at her,confused and sacred,trying to figure out her expression,"...then I have to be."The rain poured outside and a rolling thunder tore up the sky loudly.Then everything ceased into silent again,like there was never a little girl who knocked the door and entered the house on that midnight (兰雅馨).

点评:这一段的描述主要靠对话来推动剧情,加入了很多人物的表情和动作描写,让读者能够在脑海中产生画面感。*后环境的描写将故事情节推向高潮,结尾的寂静也与之前的争吵形成鲜明的对比。


Unit 6: One example of triggering past experience

On a hot summer day, I decided to go to the school store to buy an ice cream. When I stepped into the shop, the sweet smell of nostalgia immediately came to my nostrils, reminded me of the past. I seem to travel through time and space back to childhood, can not help but be filled with emotion, time flies, childhood time has passed, But the memories stayed with me. The grocery store was dazzled by all kinds of ice icecream. My friends and I excitedly discussed their favorite taste, while carefully choosing. When the ice cream was carefully pulled out, we quietly went to the corner of the supermarket to make sure no one noticed us. Then we took out our pocket money and carefully handed it to the cashier, looking forward to the moment. Took the ice cream, we looked at each other in the eyes revealed an absolute sense of happiness. We quickly opened the wrapping paper, to meet the ice cream brought by the cold and sweet, enjoy the joy of childhood. The taste of that moment, it is indescribable wonderful (郑浩宇).

点评:从去学校附近的小店买雪糕一事说起,勾起了对童年的无尽回忆,进而描述其小时候和伙伴一起讨论和购买雪糕的经历,许多细节都透露出对过去美好记忆的怀念。

 

Unit 7: Harry Potter

I think Harry Potter is a round character. Harry Potter, the protagonist of the series, undergoes significant changes as he matures. Initially introduced as a relatively naive, downtrodden boy, he grows into a more confident, skilled, and morally conscious young wizard.Throughout the series, Harry faces various challenges, confronts difficult decisions, and experiences personal growth. He learns about the complexities of good and evil, the importance of friendship, and the realities of sacrifice. These experiences contribute to his development as a character, making him multi-dimensional and relatable to audiences. Both his virtues and flaws are explored, shaping him into a rich and multifaceted character, which aligns with the characteristics of a round character (麦茵童).

点评:从哈利波特成长经历对他的形象塑造进行分析和阐述,其中使用了很多排比的结构,包括形容词、名词和动词,细节中也展示了对哈利波特丰富人物形象的所思所感。

 

Unit 8: One example about story setting

Source: The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

 

Setting: The story of The Lord of the Rings is set in a fictional universe called Middle-earth. This world is populated by many races, including humans, elves, dwarves, and orcs. The main setting is the land of Middle-earth, which is divided into several distinct regions, including the Shire, Eriador, Gondor, Rohan, and Mordor. The Shire is a peaceful, rural area where the Hobbits live. Eriador is a wild and mountainous region that serves as a frontier between the Shire and the more dangerous lands to the east. Gondor is a kingdom of men, ruled by the descendants of Isildur, who once held the One Ring. Rohan is a kingdom of horse-riding warriors, known for their loyalty and bravery. Finally, Mordor is a dark and foreboding land, ruled by the Dark Lord Sauron, who seeks to dominate all of Middle-earth through the power of the One Ring. The story follows the quest of the Hobbit Frodo and his companions as they journey across Middle-earth to destroy the One Ring in the fires of Mount Doom in Mordor (张议文).

点评:这一段分析了《指环王》虚构世界的背景,重点阐述了不同人种的特点,包括Shire、Eriador、Gondor、Rohan和Mordor,从种族特征的设计中展现出对戒指权力极度渴望的故事设定。

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